So... I went and read Breaking Dawn the other day. I didn't buy it, at the advice of a friend who had heard that it was the epitome of suckage, so I went to the bookstore and spent six hours of my life reading through it in one go -- and was consequently caught at it by :icon Sylvanize:. So... Here are my thoughts:

WHAT THE FUCK?! IF I HAD KNOWN THAT THAT SHIT COULD BE WRITTEN, PUBLISHED, AND LOVED THE WHOLE WORLD OVER, DUDE I WOULD HAVE PUBLISHED SOMETHING BACK IN FOURTH GRADE! SERIOUSLY! WHAT THE CRAP?! HOW CAN STEPHENIE MEYER WRITE THIS STUFF AND BE LOVED FOR IT?! THERE SHOULD BE SOME SORT OF WRITING POLICE OR SOMETHING THAT CAN ARREST THIS WOMAN BEFORE SHE PUBLISHES ANY MORE BOOKS, BECAUSE THIS ONE HAS JUST COMPLETELY RUINED WHAT LITTLE RESPECT I HAD FOR HER.

Before I read the book, my opinion of the series was this:

TWILIGHT: Not too terribly great, but it had great potential. The characters were interesting, and I was interested to see where she would go with this new definition of "vampire". My main complaint was that, despite the fact that extra powers in a vampire are supposedly rare, the Cullen family has three out of seven vampires in possession of extra powerz. Potential Mary Sue material, ya know? I was worried.

NEW MOON: The whole Jacob-is-a-werewolf thing aside, this whole book could have been thrown out, and the plot would have been completely fine. Better, even, since Stephenie Meyer decided to completely re-write Jacob's character in this book, from the cute and naive adolescent to the cocky and sarcastic paranormally massive smartass. And of course, Bella is painfully unaware of this smartass's feelings for her -- but that's okay; it's forgivable, since there are many people out there like that (including me). And don't you love how Bella literally "cannot live without" Edward? (HEAVY SARCASM) But then Edward comes back, and I guess the only part this book plays is that now he has the guilt of having left Bella behind to suffer that much trauma as a result of his absence, so Bella can trap him into staying with her and doing whatever she wants (except have sex).

ECLIPSE: Plot-wise, very exciting -- until the climax, that is, when Edward takes a bite out of Victoria with as little effort as it might have taken to lift a finger, apparently. And then Bella gets chastised for trying to help in the only way she could think of how. And as to the MAIN plot (Edward turning Bella into a vampire so they can live happily ever after until Armageddon), it was, again, painfully slow. Meyer decides to make Bella terrified of the idea of marriage, let alone her OWN marriage, so when Edward proposes ("I won't bite you until you marry me. And, conveniently, I am old-fashioned, so I don't want to have sex until after we're married." How romantic.), Bella freaks out. Okay, her parents' marriage wasn't all that great, but there are many more examples of successful marriages in Bella's life for her to be able to realize that marriage is not always a bad idea -- especially when you're, oh, I don't know, IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE (esp. to the point when you literally can't live without them, as is evidenced by New Moon). Characterization-wise, this book reeked. Bella's character, while believable and likable in the first book, seems to have changed between then and now: whereas Bella is definitely intelligent in Twilight, she suddenly seems to play down her own intelligence, and is even offended when Edward suggests that she apply to Dartmouth. She was confident before, but she suddenly has all of these feelings of inadequacy, and she refuses to believe that there are multiple guys out there who just might have crushes on her. She thinks she's plain, but Edward always insists that she is insanely beautiful. And all of the vampires seem like very flat characters, which shouldn't be, at this point. Oh, and one more interesting little thing: it seems like everyone in the Cullen family takes orders from Edward -- even Carlisle, the supposed head of the family. And I'm not even going to go near the seduction scene, because if I do, I won't be able to stop. I'll just summarize and say that I don't like Edward. Not because he won't have sex with Bella, but for a whole host of reasons, many of which make an appearance when Bella tries to seduce him.

But Breaking Dawn... All this time, I had thought, "Well, hopefully it will all come together in the end. I'll reserve judgment until the very end, and that way no one can accuse me of having a bad attitude from the beginning. And if it does turn out great, then wonderful! I'll add it to my list of favorites." But guys, this book just SUCKED. I mean, really. I have read that exact same plot several times over as fanfictions written by twelve-year-olds -- and it was written BETTER. I'm not going to delve into the plot, because I have one friend who has not read this book yet who is looking forward to reading it and I don't want to ruin it for her, but it really is like Stephenie Meyer went onto fanfiction.net one day, found the most horrific fanfiction, re-wrote it in her own style, and then had it published. It breaks so many taboos of writing, I don't think I could begin to enumerate them. And all of the sex! Holy crap! When Edward and Bella aren't going at it like Energizer bunnies, Bella is thinking about it! And Bella becomes the second-best definition of a Mary Sue (the winner is introduced in Breaking Dawn, so I'm not going to say her name, but if I did, you would realize that even her NAME is Mary Sue) that I have ever found in a published book.

Anywho, the point of this is that I'm debating whether to continue my Nutshell series after I put up Eclipse (which will be put up as soon as my mom switches internet providers to one that doesn't charge per megabyte uploaded or downloaded per minute), because, really, Breaking Dawn is its own parody. I could try, if I have extra time, and I probably will, just so I don't abandon it (I hate not finishing what I start), but all the same... *sigh* That book is just such a disappointment. Honestly.